you shoved the noah's ark of animal crakers in your mouth saturday.
Climbing onto the roof in a dress and high heeled boots was probably not the best idea, especially after all that Bacardi.
She said we should all be mermaids since didn't breathe for 9 months inside our mothers. I want her logic.
My vagina senses are tingling. I know your here.
If I weren't her cousin I'd take advantage of her and this low point in her life.
i was gonna do a lot worse than just throw cat food on you while you were passed out, but then you sleep vomited and i felt a little bad
First time on E and Chris took me to a petsmart during puppy day. I might die of pure awesomeness.
I am gifting my birthday sex to you, but its okay because I can always just have birthday vibrator.
We call her skankles because she's a skank and she has cankles, I thought that was obvious
Awkward is sitting in your parking spot and making eye contact with every one of your next door neighbors two hours before you have a threesome.
I love when my neighbors have passionate, loud sex to remind me that I'm not getting laid
We laughed, we cried, we fucked, we shirked our familial and work related responsibilities. They could make a movie about the last 40 hours of our lives.
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed
He told his wife he was too old to pretend to be straight. She tried to argue. He walked two tables over and was like this is my highschool sweetheart and he's an excellent fuck, we're running away together. It was epic.
Is it too early to start looking for freshmen penises to corrupt with our liquor and yoga pants?
I was just wondering the same thing! Gotta be any day now
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