He should be on Bizare Foods after who he ate last night
I look like a poor person in the cast of Gay Oliver.
New favorite sorority...they made me pancakes in the morning and welcomed back the walk of shame girls with a round of applause
i just got a fart via voicenote. blackberry has officially changed history.
He corrected me on my grammar when I came. Fuck English majors.
So another one of your girlfriends from middle school had a baby. Thank god you are gay, otherwise you would definitely be a dad by now.
This is the point in ur life where u should realize there's nothing left but a spiral of shame
I should but I don't. All I see is an escalator of success
Found out people don't like it when you get drunk at fundraising auctions and bid in foreign currencies.
I'm not sure. But a mason jar of drug free urine just as soon as anyone can would be so awesome.
The hot streak continues..if life was NBA jams i would be "on fire" right now
he left a full can of coors light underneath my windshield wiper, like a love note. if that's not husband material, i don't know what is
I think I passed out drunk at my own jewelry party
The candles are lit, the magic circle is drawn, now all we need to do is get naked and see how many orgasms we can manage.
Wanna go get tea? Warning: I will be high in an hour.
Please god tell me you aren't pregaming your date alone.
Randomize
