if you hear someone banging on your door early in the morning, it's me with some breakfast burritos, so don't be alarmed
She refused to give me a hand job while we were watching a war movie saying she didn't wanna disrespect the soldiers
Ever since I told them the story of the sex in the canoe scandal its like I am in season
Did you seriously take investment advice from our coke dealer?
There was a gay guy in drag passed out against the wall but we had sex in there anyway.
We waved. But it was a "let's hook up" wave.
I am day drunk. Get ready to see my dick.
Her idea of a bathing suit is... well.. she might not actually even know what one is. I've only ever seen her in a pool drunk and fully clothed or attempting to get into a pool but tripping over her pants which are at her ankles. Drunk.
I'm going home because your Crackraptor step-brother tried getting his nasty meat hawks in my pants last night.
So I'm dropping a fat deuce at work, and the lock on the stall door slips and the door slides open, when suddenly someone comes in. Now I have two options, I can either get up quickly and try to shut the door quickly (not easy to do with one hand) or I can just sit there and play it off like it's no big deal and I always dump at work with the door open. I chose option two, and it was as awkward as it sounds.
while he was teaching, every time he said "wet" he would look at me, that's what you get for sleeping with the professor's assistant
I did a kegel this morning to determine if I had been penetrated during last night's blackout. Nope.
Well my summer has already been productive. I partially caused a divorce.
Remember that time you puked in the middle of wendy's?
Yeah, why?
The staff still remembers me for cleaning it up. Thanks for the free frosty and fries
Because of you I can never eat chicken nuggets without thinking of you fucking him. I hope youre happy. I really do.
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