I was happy to be the center of attention..until i realized why everyone was staring
it's a little hard to watch the basketball games with my family considering they keep cheering for the guy that i had a one night stand with...
Reading in my econ of energy textbook about the US' largest oil spill from the 1990's.. guess i can't sell this one back either
I don't know what's worse....that fact that my dog ate my vibrator or that he later puked it up on my bed
i think that after ALREADY drinking that much, the tube shots may have been a bad idea.. i mean afterall, i did wake up and find my cell phone IN the bonfire the next morning.
When you hit the 45 minute mark of any argument about The Flintstones, you have to realize: it's no longer you arguing, it's the cocaine arguing.
you took the tequila shot and then procceded to eat the lime..we told you to spit it out but you just straight face kept chomping
You stole my crutches last night at the bar, the DJ had to ask for them to be returned
That's how I like my men: traumatized and crying in a ball
Wait do we still get bagels if no one got laid
I know it doesn't seem right, but sometimes, bagels are just flat out called for.
You peed all over his floor and had a bottle popped in your ass when you passed out. Don't tell me I'm "still living in my college days"
I'm crying during the second episode of Golden Girls that's how high I am.
You tried to lick the lightbulb and fell off of the chair onto my wife and gave her a concussion. Did i mention you were naked?
She told me to take deeps breaths and I said I said YOU FUCKING TAKE A BREATH CAROL IM SURE IF YOU WERE IN MY POSITION YOU WOULD HAVE OFFED YOURSELF ALREADY and she said my name is Becky 😂
On the plus side, he ate me out and gave me an orgasm. But he also talked about robots during sex and mispronounced it like the dad in the goldbergs and called them “robits”
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