No offense but you kinda look like a Jack Johnson fan in that pic
is it bad that I didn't wash the cum out of my hair because it keeps my curls intact?
I tried telling you she just blew me in the bathroom but you were too busy making out with her to listen
Define 'illegal'. Your idea of it and my idea are in separate universes.
I want a nosebag of coke after my exam. Like what horses have. Coked up horses. No excuses. I love you.
I don't know what possessed you to do that, but you have to give the stripper more money before you try to check her oil or they are going to throw us out every time you do that.
You were fucked up like a footballbat trying to eat gum off your shoe. And that wasn't even the nights lowest point.
There's a dead squirrel in the freezer. Is that what you stopped to get out of the road last night?
I think my ph in my vagina is actually off from the lack of sex I've had this break compared to finals week.
Well I mean he still had sex with me after I told him that I play fetch with the kids I take care of, so I'm not really looking too far ahead with him...
It's barely past noon, how am I already talking about double penetration
Drunk me also decided it would be funny to change all the passwords on my computer last night. Now I can't log into anything.
We watched ESPN, hooked up, got waffles. You know, a typical weekend.
I am coming home with the worst sun burn of my life, two unused condoms, and an unworn slutty dress. Worst. Bachelorette. Party. Ever.
Im so sorry for peeing on your chest.
Randomize
