There was a pool of blood on my desk and we still don't know who it belongs to. missed a good party, man.
Just got a blowjob to the theme of Bohemian Rhapsody as the sun was rising. I should just kill myself because ill never top this moment.
is it bad that listening to the rabbi's wife talk about how we should only be with one person is making me really, really horny for no string attached sex
cell reception changed and I can no longer text you from the toilet... that means I'll be texting you less often, just fyi
She gave me a BJ with my hoodie on. it was like i was blowing myself.
I was going to make out with him...then he licked syrup off the kitchen floor.
Why did I just find out you and Andrew had sex right next to my face when I passed out on the beach?
At the time it seemed romantic and its also extremely frowned down upon to leave a passed out person by themselves in an unfamiliar place.
Why did I wake up by myself then?
Puke, feathers, beads, and solo cups all on my way to class. I'm surprised anyone's alive after this weekend.
dude i'm so hungover my hair hurts
all I'm saying is that my epic blow jobs have made grown professional football players cry in ecstasy
I just found 20 dollars in my vibrator box. Was it a drunken sign to myself to get more?
"hahahaha" is not a sufficient reply when I tell you my mother laughed at a joke about me giving blowjobs.
Are we planning this because I am online looking for places with a Mechanical bull
Just fyi i'm now butt naked in a steam room smoking a bong in some guys house. i sense the weed penetrating my pores.
He gave me a brownie at the beginning of class and now I can't feel my face.
Randomize
