How was I supposed to know she would get offended when I asked her how long it took to draw on her eyebrows.
It took him longer to remove his skinny jeans than it did for him to finish. I didn't even have time to realize it sucked until it was already over.
Your braces fetish is going to end up biting you in the dick.
I don't have any swimsuits that don't show off the weird handprint bruises on my hips. Do you have a onepiece I can borrow?
you left a paper here that says 'to do list' but it looks like you just wrote "drink a bunch of cough syrup and watch Who's the Boss" like 60 times
You defs just slept for 6 hours in a porta pottie. You should probably just kill yourself.
She's an honest to god fucking ballerina. She did things I don't have names for.
I broke my arm trying to do a hand stand in my shower to wash the hate out of my asshole.
I just remember looking over and seeing you on top of him and us high fiving. That's when I knew we'd be perfect roommates
Just sitting here contemplating the meaning of life.
So you're drunk waiting for the bus.
I'm so cold without your freakishly high body temperature
that's the equivalent to a normal girlfriends. 'I miss you' btw
I had to switch coats with someone at work because you can see the giant sex choke bruise on my neck. Being kinky is hard.
Yeah, but having a dick this size has ruined 3 marriages.
She grinded so hard on my face that I've got rugburn on both eyelids
Her hot older sister walked in on us, looked me up and down, then stared straight at her and said "I call sloppy seconds on this one" then left. I'm still debating on how I feel about that.
Randomize
