Proposition. Sex. No words, no talking about it later. I just want you tonight.
I woke up to the bathroom door of steak n shake hitting me in the face at 4 in the morning...
he saw my boobs and came all over himself... there goes my whole night.
Ever find yourself wondering if your life is God's way of telling a joke?
i havent blinked in 235 seconds. now 247. now 258. 263. 267. 271. i also have been gifted with theability to both type and count and not blink. 293 so magical
Her boobs felt like beanie babies from heaven
Hardest I think I've ever had to work for a shack. Whatevs. Still gonna get my way though. I'll start respecting myself on Monday
A big thanks to that bride-to-be, Her fiance and his loaded friends will forever hold a place in my heart for the generous tequila body shots on the couch at Henry's.
I found a playlist on my ipod with only one song on it: gold digger. confused, but not surprised.
The zoom feature on snap chat videos is the worst thing to ever happen to sexting
You have no concept of how high I am, do you?
PLEASE AT LEAST MEOW SO I KNOW YOU AREN'T DEAD
You're like the Miss Manners of anonymous gay sex.
Unfortunately i'm awake, hungover, and covered in something I'm pretty sure is Easy Cheese. Send help.
Nobody cheats on THIS.
Randomize
