my roommate just said, "don't look at it, just put it iin your mouth"
Hey, could you leave the door unlocked? Keys seem hard right now.
I think he just gave me the 'I used to fuck your sister' discount
Well Im currently dressed up as batman raiding frat houses for booze
We're having chugging races with long island ice tea, I won. To often
You got called a pussy at a party with a slow cooker, you can't let that shit slide
But how will the next generation learn about life choices without a Jersery Shore?
I also tried to solve my dog's itching problem with crystal healing. I'm so high, dude.
I just rubbed amethyst all over him and kept saying 'no bites.'
literally just tried sending to someone a video of me jerkin but my phone was connected to Apple TV and it literally just played on the tv in a full room and I'm actually about to shit myself
He started yelling terms of endearment at a cheese sandwich. Then he tried to hump it.
Based on his face I'm positive he has a beautiful penis.
I would wear his ballsack as a hat if he asked me to
Just had a flashback of scottish man yellin' at my face. What the fuck I did?
You bet your firm but soft ass I miss you
He was cute in a Sketchy-trying-to-sell-you-a-vaccum-at-9-at-night kinda way.
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