I'm so hungover And my mouth is so dry it feels like my tongue is wearing a sweater
I'll start drinking again when I know where I am
Balls are like the throw pillows of the penis
I can't finish this paper in my room because every time I get distracted I start masterbating. I think it's time to go to the library...
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My cha cha got a haircut
thank god. going down on you was like chewing on astroturf
Between the two of us weve fucked every guy at this table
stephanie tanner's voice is so fucking annoying. no wonder she resorted to crystal meth.
We were squawking at each other for over an hour like chickens. Literally. Never touching the stuff again and never again showing my face at that Denny's.
She asked if I could convince him so shave that shit off his face so he'll have a snowball's chance in hell of getting laid.
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I'm figuring, since someone shoved pizza crust in my ear last night, there might be some leftover pizza.
Obviously he considers you not fucking him as fucking up. Thus making him fuck up. Based on this I believe he should be disqualified from the race to your vagina.
Woke up to a note written on my hand that read "just because he kisses you, doesn't mean you have to sleep with him"
next time, write it on your vagina so its more effective.
We were on the ground in Tampa for 55 hours and we drank for 30 of them.
We won Spring Training 2013.
I Pavlov-trained him by smacking him in the nuts anytime I caught him looking at another girl in public. To this day, he's afraid to break eye contact with me in a restaurant if a tall busty blonde walks in.
Where are you? We're in between the guy dressed as a giant inflatable penis and the Justin Bieber lookalike lesbians
Does the penis have a genital wart?