How long do you think herpes can live on chapstick?
You remember correctly you did get a golf cart ride out but it wasnt because you were special. You were so smashed you were screaming tiger at random golfers in the middle of there backswing.
just when i thought things couldnt get worse, the batteries died in my vibrator.
I think you came in my ear last night and I had to pick it out infront of my kids in class today
21 Guys Share Their Insane Stripper Stories
It feels wrong to have dick mouth at a family dinner.
She won't let me open the car door while we are on the highway so I can throw up outside. She deserves to have her car thrown up in.
He pulled out, and the resulting cumstain on my sheets is in the shape of a fetus. The irony of this is both awesome and terrifying.
I think I collapsed a disk in my spine when I drunkenly lifted that fat girl on my shoulders to chicken fight at the pool.
Well when you get back to your computer, there's a nice explanation of pansexuality on your Skype.
27 Reasons Why Men Need To Moan More During Sex
Here is your half hour reminder. Meet you at emergency room.
Lol I think I might have been a little aggressive last night there is a blue ass print from your jeans on my wall
My snow day: told Cam, "we're not dating today, we're just roommates." No bra, boxers, drinking whiskey by myself for the past 2 hours, yelling at The Ultimate Fighter reruns from 3 years ago.
future reference: when you get a text that says "WARNING: EXPLICIT PHOTOS BEING DELIVERED. VIEWERS DISCRETION IS ADVISED." you always open the attached picture.
I haven't reeked of cheap beer and poor decisions in months. I officially hate adult life.
I just set my acrylic nail on fire while trying to light my blunt