okay I'm thinking he doens't have a facebook...I'm on page 28 of Hunters
ok you need to stop NOW
So my mom just called me into her room and showed me a condom wrapper she found in my room. "Oh that's from when I was like 16." I don't think that was very comforting.
They normally just get fucked up and see who can hold their hand on the exhaust the longest. It's great
There's a mirror laying face down next to me. A looooong full body mirror. By the looks of it it fell off the wall last night and was within centimeters of shattering on my head. Awesome.
Dating After Heartbreak
there's a wings menu taped to my wall. don't tell me i don't have my priorities straight.
Saddest moment ever is discovering when your cat no longer wants to get high with you.
he is like the poster child for std's. god i hope he meets a girl with teeth in her vag. that would serve him right
I am broke enough to accept it. If I get poisoned, you can have my shoes
Next Halloween, remind me to find a different wingman. Walking out in your pirate costume talking like Captain Ahab while i was banging her and telling me I had to harpoon the white whale really pissed her off.
These Images Prove Chrissy Teigen is the Funniest Model Alive
You could sing the national anthem right before we have sex. Make it feel like a sporting event
He said he's in to distance fucking. I thought he just mean long durations. We fucked on a towel all the way down his tile hallway accross his kitchen and into the living room
he pulled my tampon string out with his teeth like a grenade pin yelling frag out! That's why I fuck guys back from deployment. They'll go the distance
WHY THE FUCK DID I HAVE TO FALL IN LOVE WITH A CONVICT
we're at the bar celebrating my ex bootycall getting his new gf pregnant... and me narrowly escaping a future as kitty foreman
I broke another vibrator the other day. Abstinence is not for me.