dude i woke up laying next to some guy. i dont have my bra or his name. he has a nice tv though.
Revenge fucks should not count towards the total number. They're justified.
come over, blizzard of oz party. dress up.
She said "don't make this weird" and then proceeded to sniff me.
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We have sex, then we talk about foreign policy. Its a win-win.
If you feel like laying around and watching a movie, that's where I'll be for the next several hours not moving, blaming others, and generally feeling sorry for myself.
If I interpreted our horoscopes correctly...you should be coming home with an 8 ball. Just saying.
He lasted about 30 seconds then said you can't win them all. But then he made me pancakes so it's okay. We shall call him mancakes.
Oh were you the stripper at that club last Sunday when i was trippin on acid wearing a giraffe outfit?
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He keeps telling me he's gonna get me dope for my birthday. 1. HELP ME. 2. HOW IS THAT AN ACCEPTABLE BIRTHDAY PRESENT. Also, please HELP ME.
Well get back to your date and give him the ceremonial 1am handy and text me when your done.
HOLY FUCK I almost floated out of the city. Thank god my dog kept me down.
Girl, he's like catnip for my pussy.
I have chicken nuggets, lube and brand new batteries, he can stay at work charting all weekend for all I care, I'm set.
Your bf is wearing nothing but a cape, I mean absolutely NOTHING but a cape. I know you said he looks like Thor but this is getting a bit ridiculous.