Dude! wtf happend last nite? I woke up with 2 black eyes and a head ache
You stepped off the curb and face planted the road...twice
Why didnt you hold me up....and why a second time?
I helped you up but figured it was wayy funnier to watch you fall again then lose my buzz....
i wish there were pregnant emoticons
shit I'm tired of wearing other peoples clothes to bed
theyre doing DJ Khaled impressions again...
Just tried to chase Captain Morgan with water...this whole drinking alone business is getting harder to do.
I just got a Community College debit card in the mail. My failure has been materialized.
uh, 3 redbulls and 400mg of caffeine pills and i still feel like life is in slowmotion..lets not take tranquilizers again.
He stopped replying so I told him I got tested and it came back positive for chlamydia to see if he replied. His phone magically works again!
All I really remember is thinking that the music looked like beautiful lizard waves in my head
I can feel your movements against the shared wall we are leaning up against. It makes me feel as though we are one. Queue Pocahontas song...
Im breaking out the trunk vodka tonight, its been aged to perfection.
I see you met someone special
I think he knows I took a picture of him. Why I don't get punched in the face more often is anyone's guess.
I don't know. I'm drunk and dressed as a pirate but ill do the math tomorrow morning.
Last night you were prentending to be a broom stick...you were laying on the floor and humming the Harry potter song.
she's 6'2. you bet your ass i slept with her.
Randomize
