So I went home with some chick last night... I'm not sue what's worse: not getting a nut at 5am, the condom breaking and not being replaced, feeling poo when I put my finger in her but, sleeping on a heroin mattress in her living room, her swine flu coughing fit at 7am or realizing she peed the matt at 10am. Actually it was probably the fact that she continuously told me she was the classiest girl in boulder.
Maybe if you date her you can take a dump on her
i need a lesbian romance or unplanned pregnancy for some spicein my life.
You threw a bottle at the bartender and then stole his tip jar. However, you were quickly KO'd by the bartender. Solid right hook.
ONE NIGHT STAND. You have 27 minutes before the offer expires, so I suggest you hurry.
i just added no after every hockey player in my phone..
He made off the wall shots in beer pong, stuck the girls dog in a cooler, and played with swords with her mom. I wish I got his name
Where are you, who is in my bed, why is he wearing a spandex onesie as underwear, how did i get teethmarks on my forehead, what are we doing tonight?
And then he tried to clean the throw up off my pants with 409
Hey remember that spam cooked in dr pepper we made? 10x better when the dr pepper is rum
Lmfao a voicemail screaming about you partying with your tits out and a text at 3 am saying you went too crazy... this should be a good one
Well I shit myself on the way home from work today so there's that...
It's 5am and I have yet to fall asleep. At what point do we just accept that I run on vodka?
i was making a gravity bong in my room and my dad walked in. he helped me finish. i love being home for the holidays.
How’s big weiner McGee?
I’m going to ask you one last time to call him Matt and he’s fine thank you very much
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