I need to start cutting my cocaine with Plan B
We just got home. I got some malt liqour and a lottery ticket so I'm really doing a lot with my life right now
Last night was epic. Hooked up with Emma Watson, found twenty bucks, and then passed out on my floor.
No you didn't. You drank unbelievable amounts of 151, passed out in someone else's bathroom, and we carried you back to your floor. Nice dreams though.
Also, I think I'm too drunk to be at the gym right now. But how sober do you need to be for IM volleyball?
if I just puked into my own hand, but then cleaned it up quickly, quietly, and calmly, am I still a trainwreck?
I had to convince someone last night that the fact that he couldn't get me off wasn't him it was me and to clarify I had to tell him there was only. One person that got me off every time without fail, he said "that guy is my hero" you should be proud
I think I should start a match.com profile and put "robe lounging" as my only hobby
You've fucked so many I should get a word bank when you make me guess these things.
We were at dinner and dad asked me to pass the salt and I suddenly remembered doing body shots when I was blacked out last weekend.
I do remember that in my dream I wasn't impressed with his dick.
My little brother came home while I was sitting there icing my vagina with a bag of peas. Asshole looks at me, high fives Ryan, then leaves.
Remember when I made out with that stranger at the bar on my 21 in chicago? I wonder how he's doing
You told me I got kicked out of the bar for lipping off to the bouncers... what shocked me the most was that I made it to the bar
You showed up at 4 am holding a beer and wearing a wig you apparently found in the dumpster.
That explains some things...
like, there were so many other better not terrible choices you could have made, so i'm honestly baffled that you managed to fuck up that bad
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