Goal for tonight: Make one last drunken mistake for the semester.
I changed my mind about Tim Gunn. I like him now. Mostly because he said someone's dress looks like a gay t-rex. Or something.
I don't care how bad it tastes, i just put it in my mouth and deal with it
Dude, she knew her leg was on fire and she kept dancing. Bad-fucking-ass.
I just ordered a 3 square foot pizza. This is how to beat an eating disorder.
apparently when the FedEx truck drove by, we tried to chase it down thinking they were delievering a 30 pack...great night.
Not to make her into that kind of girl, but she did have a condom mural
Watching porn with a bag of marshmallows. Thats when you know you're stoned.
Don't know why you're always hating on relationships. I've had chocolate pancakes accompanied by a blowjob and a blunt and it's not even 9 am. Time for mid morning shower sex. Enjoy your morning bong bowl alone asshole
I used my tears to chase my tequila. You could say I rallied.
And your boyfriend doesn't mind you constantly taking pictures of his dick just to freak out your brother?
its more like he's accepted that he can't stop me
Apparently I came into our room and told her that there should be a zipline from our window to Walgreens so that I could get chicken noodle soup
Every time our eyes meet, I silently summon him to my vagina.
Your shirt... Was in my pants
I offered to go down on her because of how impressive her theatre career was. Stop letting me talk to lesbians.
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