drinking colt 45 because lando calrissian told me to
Maybe if i eat something filling like whole wheat pasta it will make me less hungry for things like dick
so last night my mother drunkenly told me that maybe the reason why I want to be a vet was because I was conceived doggy style.
Remember when I booked a hotel room for next sat? Nneither do I.
i want to find a way to basically assault his face with my vagina.
It's just like riding a bike. Only it's a dude's face.
Were you rubbing your penis on me while I slept? I smell like penis.
what's the least obnoxious place that i could barf on the bus?
I used his number to look up his customer information at work. He's no longer saved as Magic Penis in my phone.
He was simultaneously rubbing my shoulders and fucking me. I'm keeping him.
WHERE THE FUCK AM I? AND WHO PUT DUCK TAPE ON MY NIPPLES! MY NIPPLES!!!!!!
Wait til you see what we did to Dave. Hairy bastard will never be the same
Did you see her happy birthday to emily on facebook? The gist of it is like: hey emily you almost died at birth im glad you didn't. love mom.
they gave me money. the money smells like weed. also they gave me weed
After we finish having sex, he smokes an honest to God pipe. It's like fucking a big, sexy Sherlock Holmes...
can we do this tomorrow? ...i accidently got high.
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