My life is like the prequel to "40 Year Old Virgin"
ejected that DVD during the department meeting.. it was our porn from last night. I have a new nick-name at work.
Soo I got blood taken today and when the doctor came back with the results she said "you aren't sick but the tests show that you are currently drunk..."
a cabby told me that vodka is the coors light of liquor, and then gave me his number
I walked in on you rubbing your nose all over his face while straddling him and yelling "I'M SO SORRY!" repeatedly. I'd say you were in pretty good shape at that point in the night.
Around noon tomorrow come looking for me. I'll be on Mill wearing whatever clothes I haven't lost yet. DO NOT REPLY. DO NOT ASK QUESTIONS. JUST DO IT.
She gave such good road head it was turned into side-of-the-road head for everyone's safety
As a fat white girl from Texas I can honestly say that she gave fat white girls from Texas a bad name.
I think I'm gonna quit partying for awhile. Piercing my own nose is where I draw the line.
When I tell my children how I survived hurricane Sandy I'll probably leave out the threesome
It's like your nipple is comforting my nipple.
She brought me back a blanket from Mexico, then we had sex on it
My roommates don't agree with the whole tv in the bathroom idea. Fucking barbarians.
You're like the fucking Mozart of sexting.
We'd like to invite you to our threesome! Lingerie is encouraged and drinks will be provided. Next Friday, roommate night, my bedroom. Hope to see you there!
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