she gave me a schnouzer then wanted to kiss while we were having sex...i had to puppy slap her nose. pick me up out front.
It's more exciting when they aren't single....and even better when you have to pretend that you just slept with their roommate while trying to do the walk a shame as their girlfriend comes marching into the apt.
Im not the least bit jealous of the life you lead.
Im so hungover
Come over i have rolls
Ecstasy rolls or Challah rolls?
wow, so sex, not that great its like masturbating with a warm towelette, like the kind you get at a japanese restaurant
She passed out in my bed last night before anything happened. She felt really bad about that, so she gave me head when we woke up this morning.
Something smells like weed and I think it might be my mascara. Come sniff my eyes
some girl just asked me if I was that guy that hooked up with nine girls in one night. officially a local celebrity. gonna try and autograph her boobs.
Yeah I remember I tried to close her head in the freezer last night
Shit, my parents are coming over and I just realized that a grinder is not an acceptable paperweight
Is eating fries while lying on the floor bad for you?
If I choke and die at least I will have been doing something I love
I can't feel my tongue. And that means go. Green means go. And you know what Barney says. Green means go and woah means no. DRIIIIINKK
Happy Birthday. May your liver respect you, fat bitches neglect you, hangovers reject you, and AA accept you.
I decided to let him keep the rest of my good weed as an "I'm sorry for being a drunk ass ho" consolation prize.
last thing I remember is yelling 'sit on my face' through a traffic cone
It is clearly not my fault that you decided studying was more important than trying to bang our hot teacher for an A, so I seized the opportunity.
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