He's so far in the closet he's in Narnia
believe me... letting the man that delivered you from your mother's vagina do shots off your stomach is really fucking awkward.
I fell asleep to him stroking my ass calling it his precious.
i think they forgot i was still in the room... she grabbed his balls and said "i feel a fire coming on".
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Just for future questioning, I didnt break up with you over text
My aunt comes over, haven't seen her in 4 years. First thing, looks me up and down and goes "...yup, that pair ripened nicely. Theyll get you some free drinks"
I think you were raised by the wrong sister
I give up. I can't handle that class sober any longer. I have an army of whiskey shooters for the next three weeks. Wish me luck.
Doug will be the one to get my vagina. I don't know when or how but I'm now declaring that it is his. And he better not disappoint.
I am eating a king sized snickers in the strip club. Good morning.
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Blacked-in to me, shirtless, giving myself finger guns in the mirror and rapping "stacks in the club stacks stacks in the club."
This weekend I was almost blinded by a cumshot to the eye, so happy Labor Day I guess
It's a good thing you're straight. You'd make a horrible lesbian.
Well, I could just slap my dick to my phone and see what it says
Sitting in the dr office she literally looked at my throat and goes have you been having oral intercourse
Welcome aboard the S.S. struggle. I'll be your captain for today's voyage and Jeremy is your first mate. Just sit back and relax while we navigate the seas of drunken regret. Your forecast for the day is violently hungover with a chance of "shit, that really did happen!"
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