a dead guy is trying to sell me oxy clean on my tv
I didnt shave my beard last night, so I could feel it while Im shrooming today
Shaving your vagina at 8 months pregnant is not an easy chore.
He tried to write down the address for the cab on half a bagel.
Is there any chance I can see you without pouring vodka on your head?
You were basically naked. Just covered in pink duck tape and feathers. I'd have to say this is beyond the slutty mark..
If I sleep with another Spanish guy it is officially renamed my senor year.
I'm doing shots of jagger in dixi cups and making a lesson plan for my 8th grader summer school class. My life is so close to adulthood I can taste it
It was so cute that he apologized for getting cum on my couch. If he realized how many guys had cum on that couch in the past year, he wouldn't have touched my vagina with a 10-ft pole.
So I've discovered that being hungover at 25 feels the same as being hungover at 24. Happy Birthday to me.
I need a hoe opinion
go on
like I'd leave you in a situation like that..pfft. what kinda friend do you think I am?
...a stoned one.
I need to find a more reliable booty-call so I can start dating people and take it slow.
So do I get points for screwing my recently single ex boyfriend and then telling him to go fight for his ex back?
im having flashbacks to my time in a waffle cult composed of 9 to 14 year olds
Randomize
