I feel like death. And death is wearing a fleece blanket as a dress. And is seriously contemplating wearing this to go get something to eat.
To think... Somewhere, too drunk by buckcherry is someone's theme song
Ive been home for 20 minutes and I'm already in bed with a vodka tonic
i woke up and the dog was eating spaghetti off my chest.
I want him for more than banging and buying me potato salad. Is this what love feels like?
Not great. "Leave the toilet seat down, it gives me somewhere to rest my face."
I think I died and satan has brought me back to life and I'm paying for my sins with this hangover
He literally lured me in the house with his cat then we ended up fucking on the living room couch while the cat just sat there and watched
So I bought that bathing suit yesterday and got buyers remorse so I returned it today and then stole it. Win win.
It's 5am and I come home to you naked on the kitchen table and 3 people I never saw before fucking on the back porch ... and my weed gummy worms are gone. fuck you I'm taking your mom's offer
He yanked my breathe right strip off in the middle of me riding him.
I like being woken up by phone calls of you sabotaging marriages
Waxing your own asshole is awkward and difficult at best.
Ohhhhhh, that night......I need to stop drinking, almost all of my conversations that take place Wed thru Sun after 8:30 are one blurry haze.
Guess who cheated on their SATs? Also on the same line guess who's getting in to Princeton at damn near free of charge?
Randomize
