I just saw grafitti that read "Mug The Fart Eater". Really, Memphis? That's all you've got?
but she was nice to me.
She was a fuckin STRIPPER.
I don't think the TSA agent thought getting iced while searching my bag was as funny as I did.
She was surprised when she saw all our living room furniture was made from old kegs. It's like she's never met us before...
I heard you were walking home with taylor with your dress completely up and your ass exposed
Yeah, that sounds like my life.
private study room at the lib turned into byob study room. that turned into battle royale and eric impaling his leg on a pen.
I decided I'm going to give him a celebratory fuck for his accomplishments. Knocked on his door, handed him some condoms and said "I'll be over tonight with sex and booze"
I want to be you.
Look. If you get me out of this speeding ticket you can bang my sister. Or my mom. But not both.
Ahh good point. I got some interesting mental pics and I'm slowly entering a "fuck it, lets do weird shit" phase sexually, but you may have already figured that out since I've been fucking you sideways and upside down a lot lately.
I told this guy in the dining hall that he's a hippie god and he's never made eating yogurt so sexy
You thought you were drunk? I woke up at 6 o'clock this morning with a cheeseburger in my left hand a drink in my right with my window half way down. it was raining.... fml
yeah the highlight of my day was the 911 operator telling me they had frantically been trying to figure out where i was
I'm sorry i showed you my boobs.. I probably shouldn't have done that.
I’m excited to finally meet my stalkee and his penis!
Wait, you met him on Onlyfans? The guy from last night? Which one of you is the fan?
Because one of you banged your stalker
Randomize
