Mom and Dad are dead. Trust fund
i wish that high-me and normal-me were two different ppl so that high-me could thank normal-me for setting out a feast before smoking
I wish that high-you wouldn't text me stupid shit at 3:30 in the morning
home. puking in laundry basket.
the trash is collected at 5:50 on mondays. i was up puking all night and heard them
wait a second... your telling me you want me to take you to the bank at 10 on a tuesday so you can buy a blow up pool and fill it with beer?
yes... and buy you lunch
he had to chose between the booze and condoms
what did he choose?
the booze, then looked at me and said, plan b is free right?
Its funny how you denied every part of the text except " you hate fat ppl"
My goal is to upperdeck the house I'm at, because it's some girl I don't know's birthday. Welcome to adulthood, bitch.
BGSU move in weekend. Just passed a house w a beer pong table set up, ppl already playing, girls holding signs that say "son drop off". It's 10:30 am.
Just broke my collar bone. May not make it to the party.
What do you mean you don't want me to steal the manikin do you have any idea how expensive inflatable dolls are I can't get that for your birthday
That's what you get for doing kinky shit with a guy that lives in his moms basement.
He dared you to draw a map of the USA on your wall in mustard. You drew something that vaguely resembled a velociraptor eating Oklahoma, got embarrassed because you forgot how to spell America, then hid out in the coat closet until everybody left.
she went outside...danced, got some snow, and put cherry vodka in it. she was so proud of herself.
His bedroom is the preferred destination of MILFs, cougars, recent divorcees and sexually frustrated wives
His penis is my hero
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