Today a TA in one of my classes told me he thought I was 35 and going back to school as an adult learner. Alcohol is working me.
There's a girl in my class named "La-a" pronouced "Luh Dash uh" I hate everyone
Drunk sex destroyed my coffee table... ikea this weekend?
Lame. Party is tapping out at 4am. Even chanting "USA" didn't rally them.
I just had to dig under a pile of condoms in my desk drawer to get to a blue book. Summer is officially over.
don't tell me about being eco-friendly. i just threw up in the same bag i bought my liquor in. RECYCLING
Dude, she's the greatest salesman alive. she convinced chelsea to buy a box of Cheerios for $20. She can find your dick some willing pussy.
I'm sorry, you might have to start setting aside some time in your day for my pussy.
I love you. We're gonna celebrate your 21st by putting people in duct tape bikinis and pushing them down tequila slip and slides
i am one UTI away from banning your fingers from my vagina
I am having the most awesome nonsexual conversation about my vagina right now
she hacked my macbook and downloaded an illegal version of the original pokemon red, completely nude in my computer chair. there were several levels of hornyness existing all at once
Crying while listening to Miley Cyrus. BE GLAD YOU JUMPED THIS SINKING SHIP!
what do we think the timeline is for when your liver will begin to revolt against your drinking habits?
PICK ME UP NOW I THINK THIS MOTEL IS A CRIME SCENE. also congrats on your engagement i saw the post on my phone while i was climbing out the window
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