Can we have unprotected sex soon?
Don't quote me on that, I'm a walking boner
I don't make mistakes...just understandable bad choices.
I just pooped in his toilet and didn't flush...I desperately need to get him past the girls don't poop phase.
Please sleep at your girlfriend's tonight
Why?
'Cause I wanna jack off tonight.. And you being in the room makes things awkward
I met the perfect girl for you, she's smart, likes cars, has at least one ear, and really blue eyes!
please elaborate on, "atleast one ear"
Guess I was throwing darts at a patrons head last night, lol! Black out
Dude fuck drugs. It's 4am and I'm eating mushroom ravioli fantasizing about jumping on a trampoline
The number of threesomes I have agreed to seems to increase every time I talk to you drunk...
I just changed all my morning alarms to wake me up with different Jesse McCartney songs telling me I'm beautiful. Would you believe I'll be 25 this year?
Helped a guy at work today that did nothing but stare at my chest....safe to say the Girls were looking G.O.O.D. today.
She made me undress her with my teeth...explains the button in my shit this morning...
I've come to the conclusion that my issue is I'm not fucking a guy with a headboard
I am now banned from the bar... Because you got head from my ex in the woman's restroom
She has a girlfriend too.. we decided that two cheats equal eachother out to zero. with our flawed grasp on algebra and the bottle of jack we were passing back and forth the logic seemed airtight.
I went to a swingers party and came home with a boyfriend. I love my life.
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