Heard it's your birthday. I can't send pictures, but go ahead and imagine my balls.
Our professor just said "No class today, go get stoned." A guy seriously walked over and hugged him.
had to ask my 13 year old sister if she knew any dealers... she did. it's good to be home.
is it bad that I didn't wash the cum out of my hair because it keeps my curls intact?
Lost my virginity in a banana suit. Glad I waited.
a guy just walked up to us....drank the rest of my beer....and said sorry for my loss before walking away.
I'd like to thank you fucktards for dumping the WHOLE box of Tricuits in my bed after I passed out.
I told my dad my stomach hurt and he bet me ten bucks I couldn't throw up on command. He has no idea what I did last night and I got ten bucks.
There is a chick wearing some guy's shirt wrapped around her waist as a skirt... She's flashing her panties to everyone as she sings karaoke. You need to get here.
Then again I went over his house after not hanging out since kindergarten and tried to fuck him so maybe I'm partially to blame here
I just watched your sister pour half a bottle of cotton candy flavored snow cone syrup into a bottle of marshmallow flavored vodka, take a swig, frown, and pour a cherry coke in.
Just wait until she offers you a "powerita"
He had a vasectomy. I think I'm in love.
Someone broke into my car last night. Didn't take anything, even left the beer in my backseat. They need to get their priorities straight, obviously.
When you trip so hard that you can see your friends thoughts through their pupils.
I just had drunken sex with an eagle scout behind the boy scouts of america building. what has my life come to?!
Randomize
