they found her hiding behind the couch trying to feed a cabbage patch doll a bottle of tequila. please tell me she's on birth control.
Hmm. I hear gunshots, car horns blaring, hear drunk white people screaming, and see about fifty status updates pertaining to the hawks. I guess they won.
I don't think I'd trust a marching band with trampolines to not cause serious damage to themselves/ property.
She's cute, but batshit. Like some kind of dominatrix disney princess.
The highlight of the night was when he yelled "WAS THIS CONDOM MADE FOR TODDLERS??"
He tried to puke in the 14th hole and when I told him to stop he started chanting "hole in one hole in one"
No. I either had a 6 minute orgasm or I had so many I lost count. I'm still not sure.
Then he rubbed shampoo all over my arm and shouted, "Garnier FUCK THIS."
My only regret this past weekend is abusing only 3 substances when I could have done so much more.
Since Josh is going to be Carl Sagan for Halloween, he bought a turtleneck and sportsman jacket. It's all my nerd fantasies come true.
the girl whose rug I peed on is here
He said his fantasy involved both of us fucking while stuffed into the same overalls
Yes. Ice cream tacos are an important aspect in the bridge of friendship
I AM GETTING LAID TONIGHT YES HAPPY DAY PRAISE JESUS ALMIGHTY IN HEAVEN DEAR GOD CHRIST YES DADDY YAAASSS
Drunk level: ugly crying in the bar upon discovery of sweet tarts and not smarties.
Randomize
