i'm sorry if your life is a sore subject
The required reading for this week is a paper about birds called great tits. Let's see my TA keep a straight face through this discussion.
I knew the cheap date at Taco Bell would backfire because it makes even the most pre-cautious girls involuntary fart in public
i'd be lying to you if i said i didn't just bring up microsoft excel to make an alcohol budget
Life lesson: When you compete in an impromptu "bloody mary chug-off," in the end, no one wins.
I need to shotgun another beer. Where's the machete?
We stayed up until 4:20 AM. The next thing I remember was waking up at 4 PM, like my internal alarm clock knew.
they had to take the Corona's out of the fish tank because they wouldn't fit with the mini replica of the roman coliseum in there. so we drank the Corona's. does beer have an expiry date?
Now I have to set an alarm for less than 6 hours from now to wake her up, get her showered and get her to her first day of tutoring a kid from her church. WTF is my life?
It was like we had a conversation with our eyes.
Was it a good conversation?
It was an awkward, sexual conversation.
I might have pissed in the corner of someone's shed. They have nice lawn mower.
Get over here asap there are three naked girls two bottles of whiskey and only one of me
Omg I just woke up. In the hallway outside my room. I know you had something to do with this
How do I word.. " hey, I need you to fuck me really hard and see if you or I can feel my birth control. No worries, this is just an experiment." In a nice way without them feeling used.
Tequila shots and throwing it at a bell.
This is dumb. I'll keep doing it.
Randomize
