Jizz is so healthy, they should sell it at Jamba Juice. Call it "Jamba's Juice". Genius.
Jeremys mom is here. I gave her mad jello shots and now were griding. ima give it to her: ultimate payback for him fucking my gf.
so i am drinking whiskey and watching home alone 2 by myself. it turns out moving to a foreign country isn't all that different after all.
So, apparently I made everyone omelets last night. Even when I'm drunk, I'm still a trophy wife.
At least you weren't that one girl in the bar that was letting everyone draw on her in sharpie. Worst decision I've ever witnessed.
He was eating mac and cheese. Raw. Like as in he was eating the uncooked noodles then pouring the dry cheese in his mouth.
Vodka @ 9pm. Library. Nothing can go wrong, I promise.
its not like she's the last girl on the planet with symmetrical breasts and great skin
She sat on the stairs and yelled sex positions at us. I don't remember if we went along with it but judging by the beer and condoms I'm thinking yes.
its official: beach shits are the exact same as mountain shits
My aunt comes over, haven't seen her in 4 years. First thing, looks me up and down and goes "...yup, that pair ripened nicely. Theyll get you some free drinks"
I think you were raised by the wrong sister
My stripper pole led lights flash with the sound so it's awsome with music
Can't trust a bar that doesn't have fireball
I took the pregnancy test for shits and giggles, but neither shits nor giggles were had.
Just went to Meijer. Purchased furnace filters, fishing line, red lipstick and pregnancy test. And if my purchase alone wasn't classy enough, I took the pregnancy test in the Meijer bathroom because Im on my way to the bar and wanted to know if that was a good idea or not. Cheers to no babies!
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