Wow, you know I need to stop drinking alone when I pour my drink into my hand and offer it to my dog,
whos cum tastes better, a guy who drinks apple juice or cranberry juice?
Jordan and I are drunk and barred out at the liquor store sitting in the awesome $70 Corona bench bargaining with the owner for a lower price, all while passing the Belvedere bottle between the two of us. Real life. College has down this.
OHMYGOD did I try to use pinesol as a mixer?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just lifeguarded a kid's party hungover so I could afford to go out drinking tonight. Circle of life shit goin on here.
So I fucked her. If you're keeping score at home, it's all tied up with horrible sex with someone I like and great sex with someone I hate both with 1.
Based off the amount of cat hair on my poncho....i stole a cat last night.
He broke up with me over the phone while I was getting my bush waxed into a "D" for his surprise birthday present. Talk about bad timing...
If I don't go to Australia I'm using that towards a new car. If I do I'll use it to buy a koala.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's official. Those are now your come fuck me flipflops
As the cops are taking us away I see the strippers taking our DD backstage.
I last recall trying to play piano and asking justin for drugs. I would like to think I then gracefully laid down on the couch and shut my eyes like a sleeping kitten.
Help I can't tell if I'm sexually attracted to Bill Nye
Oh.
You came to the right person.
It stopped being casual for me when I waxed my vagina for you
I don’t mind that he’s uncircumcised. It’s the fact that he talks about the Bible immediately after we have sex .
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