Do ugly people know they are ugly?
The quiet ones do.
I just had a 2 1/2 hr conversation about the pros and cons of taping your ballsack to your taint, which then led into the unveilling of lady gaga being a hermaphrodite.
Who is John, and why is his named carved into our toilet?
we just fucked in the mcds parking lot
wasnt he a virgin
yes we got celebratory milkshakes after
12 garbage cans filled with water, a beer can floating in every garbage can, 20 ft. apart and you shoot with dodge balls..and thats only how the night began
just got tipped $5 to put a barbie in a waffle cone and drip caramel sauce on it while a group of dudes cheered and one took pics. 90% sure they were sober
Eating this pizza pocket is like eating out god
There's a cop, a pizza guy and a half naked girl outside along with a dog that I don't know. It feels like I walked into a Judd Apatow movie.
We accept all of your sexual lovers, Jewish, episcopalian, atheist. Dick is dick
No no this isn't that fun. I'm alone drinking wine and me and the dogs ran out of things to talk about around 9 am.
He kept telling me that he didn't serve two tours in Iraq for my bitch ass to drink banana rum.
My vagina still hurts from yesterday. That's the last time I think riding a mop bucket is a good idea. Don't let me do that again
I realized just how much my daughter is MINE when I heard her tell someone "Go shit yourself" yesterday.
gave out my moms phone number instead of mine last night... thattttttttttttttt dunk.
You were in the back of the cop car and told the cop to ask me if I got laid. Youre a dedicated wingman.
Randomize
