just next time i won't let coke make me think I'm superman and drink a shit ton.
She looks like Sash Grey but sounds like Fran Drescher. Advise.
When did it seem like a good idea to do pull ups off the balcony? After beer 5 or shot 7?
No. I want to vom filet mignon and ziti bits everywhere and my body feels like I ran a cock triathalon. I feel less triumphant and more like death.
If I had a dollar for every time i woke up screaming for my pants i"d have enough money to buy all the beer I stole last night.
Sorry, they don't make maternity Power Ranger suits...
Gotta get new sheets. ..I fucked the satin off mine.
My head is just one big fuzz right now.. Its like someone replaced my brain with a teddy bear
I wouldn't call that a crush. It was more of a minor brain aneurism.
I just drove my booty call to his booty call, if that isn't spreading the love, I don't know what is.
I'm pretty sure I lit a prostitute's cigarette while sharing a pizza with a homeless guy last night
What's life without a pregnancy scare?
just found out that my aunt grows weed. today is a good day to be me.
Dude I just woke up naked on the floor with my dick in a boot. Legit in a fucking boot. I also have no idea where I am.
Yeah, I'm pretty glad I chose you to have drunken, sloppy birthday sex with.
That's the nicest thing anyone has ever said to me
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