smell like capt'n and strawberry champagne
I may or may not have eaten the rest of your birthday cake last night after getting blazed and watching harry potter.
i think you have the wrong number
so then it wasn't your birthday cake. k, cool.
You woke up in the middle of the night and told me we won the sweepstakes, the penis sweepstakes.
It was a rude awakening when I turned on my phone and the first thing I saw was a picture of David's dick with a face on it, I need to stop drinking in his basement...
How do I enter a double puke and rally into my calorie counter?
WE SHOULD MAKE A WORKOUT ROUTINE CALLED BARCARDIO
I'm starting to question if I'm gonna need to bring a raincoat just to drink around u
U act like I can cum on command
Matt's offering to breast feed it.
He's wearing my bra and eating a breadstick while jumping on our bed.....
IT IS EARTH DAY, RECORD STORE DAY, 4/20 EVE, AND SATURDAY ALL AT THE SAME TIME!
so let me get this straight... she's showing a cameltoe that can be seen from the space station and I'm NOT supposed to stare?
Will keep you updated on the sexual orientation of my new guy
EXCEPT MY COUSIN SAW MY SEX TAPE!
I'm officially disproving the fact that a hoe never gets cold bc this hoe is COLD.
OH DEAR GOD IT GOT IN MY MOUTH AGAIN HELP
Randomize
