I am now the proud owner of a 10-12 year old's Optimus Prime costume from Walmart. Tomorrow is going to be a good day.
he woke me up at 3 am to ask me where my plunger, a towel, and staples were. i'm afraid to go into my bathroom.
On the airplane today the pilot actually said "Ladies and gentlemen I'm sorry for the delay. But I know all of you have problems, and so do we..."
eating kraft dinner with my face. no forks.
just had wine and brownie batter for dinner. Single life is good
He's eating a cream cheese sandwich. He's obviously distressed.
God gave him joint rollers for hands
So the bros are yelling at another bro to get that dildo off the roof. And there is indeed a dildo looking object on the roof.
I'm just gonna plan on never getting a bf. everything I touch turns to gay
I AM NOT THE MAN IN THIS RELATIONSHIP.
It's shit like this that makes people think we're gay.
"Grocery shopping" is really just a euphemism for spending $20 on enough frozen food to last 2 weeks and spending the rest of your viable paycheck on alcohol.
I just feel like if we dated, he'd just be crying the entire relationship
Do you think if I had a tempurpedic bed he would still be able to feel me fingering myself after we have sex?
All I remember was you telling him there was something behind him so he would turn around and you could slide down his carpeted stairs on your belly without a shirt on. How's that carpet burn btw?
You know how fear has a smell? Well turns out shame has a smell too. It's Pina colada flavored anal grease.
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