With sake I got over my irrational fear of seafood. Now I just fear sake.
And then he came out of the bathroom in a kimono
Just saw a girl i'm pretty sure is simultaneously jailbait and a milf. I never want to leave mexico.
Uhh, there's a legit bruise on my boob.. Again how does he manage this
I don't think I have but I might've died. If I have then come get me, I'm in the flower bed. And still game.
I have no idea, but there's a bus parked in front of my house and like 6 texts saying im gonna prove my love. this is either really really awesome or really really bad.
Oh thank Jesus fuck for my shitty infertile womb. Crisis averted
In honor of Sarah Palin's bday I suggest we watch Nailing Palin
im trying to look as sober as possible but i just poured orange juice and mayo into my milkshake.
You showed up at my front door in a bikini with a fifth of tequila it was like the opening to a porno
Update: day 5 and Scott has not left the apartment. Still smoking. Pizza roll supply dwindling.
I'm not snubbing your weed I just had a really important rack of ribs to get home to
Concept: I never actually flirt with anyone, I'm just a bitch and some people find it endearing
I just used my sisters cheerleading plaque and a children's book to crush up painkillers to snort. Happy Friday
i gotta say this to some one...... my penis feels sooooooooo sooooooft, its amazing
like for real, sooooooooooooooo smoooooooooooooth its amazing
I can't wait for you to read this text tomorrow
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