just got 3 freshman girls to makeout with each other at a toga party! score!
why is this not a picture message?!?!
i asked him how he could stand the smell of skunk. his answer was "it smells like good weed"...
just spent all of my last class as a college student, vomiting in the bathroom. its moments like these i will cherish
She celebrated a negative pregnancy test by going out to Quizno's. I really don't understand her at all.
It's official. Every single female in their late teens and early 20s get their fb statuses from a pool of cliched "quotes" which all say, without saying, "boys treat me like shit, I know they do, but one day I'll find 'the guy' who will treat me right no matter how psychotic I am." Vom.
She just licked her nipple in public to get a free bar tab.
I might have hooked up with a 2003 alumni last night in the basement
Dude you were ten when he graduated
Wahoowaaaaaaa
Ok well hopefully you're not staging an intervention for me at your place because I'm bringing beers
Remember when you fed me goldfish while I was -inside- of someone?
I thought this guy walking back to the dorms with his black laundry bag was walking a black flamingo I'm not even kidding I had to take a break on a bench after that.
You're my favorite person
I didn't mind you coming over, just I'm quite sure most booty calls don't involve a scavenger hunt...
The other day I was really high and I felt like my words were coming out of my mouth in flowers...I don't know.
we finally found him at 2 am. he was 3 miles from the house and tried running into the lake when he saw us pull up. i don't think he'll be taking ecstacy again any time soon.
What?? I could've slept with an ordained minister!
Just because I know you’ll get a kick out of this, I sneezed earlier and cupcake frosting came out
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