u sent me just one boob. one just doesnt do it for me. u dont get full on a half a rack of ribs u need a full one
mom just told me i had to find a fake by next wednesday.
This isnt meant to be as creepy as it sounds, but do you seriously want a lock of the hair I cut off?
He was drinking a long island through his Breathalyzer tube.
The spray paint was a bad idea, 'insert penis here' isn't coming off
I just told the toilet I loved it. Bad sign.
I didn't know whether to laugh at the fact that a dog bit his balls or throw up cause my dad was telling me a story involving his balls.
YOU ARE TAKING ADVANTAGE OF MY INEBRIATED STATE
YOU ARE DRUNK AND USED AND SPELLED THE WORD "INEBRIATED" CORRECTLY. I AM TAKING ADVANTAGE OF NOTHING.
I CAN'T HELP THAT I'M MULTITALENTED YA FUCKER
I give you full permission to seriously injure me the next time I think it's a good idea to face a bottle of vodka
I'm just saying; the box truck will cost less then dorms or rent, and we can always crash where the party is.
He realized that I was watching deadliest catch while we were jerkin off on FaceTime.
Seriously??? You send me boob shots with your husband and kids in them???
How is it medically possible for my urine to smell like espresso
He told me to be a woman and make him dinner. So I threw a bagel at him and went out to dinner.
If I die at work, I want you to have my mustache collection
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