you could play connect the dots with the people ive fucked in this room
The smiley face on that pregnancy test is so damn taunting. It's like it's laughing at me for my poor choices.
And then she apologized after the blow job for being too sick to deep throat. I'm in love..
he brought me knee pads...is that sweet or weird?
I gotta find new tactics tho. There's just so many tied up dicks one can look at before part of your soul dies.
That bitch makes my crazy look like a walk in the park with cotton candy
I keep thinking your bag of thongs is a bag of chips. So mad I can't eat them.
I woke up to the sound of him repeatedly tapping out SOS in Morse Code using his hard cock.
I was just the victim of a drive by judging in a horse and buggy.
The fuck? Where?
St. Mary's. Amish people. Too high for this.
Ok because I want to set a new world record for how fast I can drink away my Christmas money
It's not vacation until I get called "disgustinly sexy" by an fat woman whose older than my mother.
Just woke up next to a hungry lesbian and a half eaten croissant on my stomach. Can you come get me?
just got back. in my inebriated state i broke an ugly lamp and was sent to the store (still drunk) to get a new one. just spent last half hour in isle 3 of dollar general surounded by more ugly lamps and trying not to throw up on each and every single one.
I'm gonna invite every single tinder date I've had to my birthday. Let them fight, battle Royale style. The winner gets to fuck me. \n\nBest. Birthday. Ever
he said he's going to burn things and pack his stuff. he may leave tomorrow supposedly but i doubt it
Randomize
