fuck, i think i'm broken. Alchyhol air mattress = the suck.
When my girlfriend drinks sangria it's like winning the vagina lottery
you just can't say no to drugs on a mirrored table.
You'll be proud of me
Who did you not have sex with
Damn it...you know me too well
Whoever had sex in my bed during the party last night left a glow in the dark condom on my floor. I'm not even mad anymore, I just want to know who it is so they can tell me where to get one.
while cleaning my room, i've found many wonderful things. one of these is the card you gave me for my eighteenth birthday. it's a christmas card that says "i want to stick it in your sponger"
I have absolutely nothing sober to say to you.
In fact, not a good idea to go into any house alone after a man invites you in from his balcony.
It took him three days to realize his roommate had moved out.
Would it be weird if I told you I thought of you when I masturbated?
Looks like I'm more than just your Mexico mistake...
I think i just threw up blood. i can't chill right now;
My gay card got upgraded to platinum status today.
So I think my motto should be "losing bras and dignity every weekend" but like in a really amazing way
The fact he has had a girlfriend for 5 years and they are trying to work it out isn’t going to stop me from sleeping with him. He said it himself you can’t cheat on someone you love...
Puking out the window is really hard when you're the one driving.
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