this coming from the guy that still thinks "pulling out" is a good form of birth control? just walk away
Had to have a serious talk with my liver and remind it that it is my birthday weekend and there are three more nights like last night ahead of us
she's throwing a head of lettuce everywhere shouting HEADS UP and trying to get us to play catch with her. i'm scared.
That's why they call him "the cheesegrater".
Yeah he gave the rest of the brownies to the bouncer that took his fake
Not only is it unacceptable to be bar hopping alone at 5 o'clock. It is definitely unacceptable to do so with a lobster
Alright fuck it. Alcoholic Jamie is back and here to stay.
She spilled creme de menthe on her crotch and I told her she looked like a menstruating Vulcan (costume idea!). Obviously, I went home alone.
I dunno what the deal was, but you spent about an hour trying to put your phone charger in the outlet and you were yelling "one plug to rule them all"
Btw I don't have words to express my appreciation at how many times you've had to be on a dirty bar bathroom floor for me in the past two weeks
it was good, but also weird. like, i came four times and then cried weird.
He went to 7/11 first and came back with condoms and a banana "in case we get hungry"
Honestly it was like 3 AM and I only agreed to go to the strip club because I wanted chicken tenders
A reminder in my phone just went off saying, "Fuck.On.Roof- the Great Bambino". This makes me excited and slightly nervous.
DID YOU OR DID YOU NOT, PEE IN MY FUCKING TRASHCAN?!
Randomize
