Dub. In the bra. Dub in the bra.
Help i just walked in on mom blowing dad
I feel like I just won at life, no connection sex and free 12 pack of beer after. Does life give out trophies, if so I want a big one.
Sitting in class thinking wow im glad im not hungover...and then i realized im still drunk.
Gym doesn't open till 11. I'm sure that of the other four people waiting in the lobby, I'm the only one still drunk and only going to the gym to shower.
He asked me if I could call his penis destroyer... Uhh SOS.
He was twisted. Literally. It's like God took his dick with a pair of pliers and gave it a half twist to the left.
He either works for the Irish Mob or I'm being Catfished
You ran through a field yelling "I'm frolicking! I'm frolicking!" Then fell on your face. How is your nose today, doll?
UPDATE: THERE IS ASS EATING. I REPEAT: THERE IS ASS EATING.
I'm having a hard time eating my sandwich knowing how many different buttholes my hands were in last night.
Its weird to introduce me to his wife and kids on the first date, right?
Everyone got an underage but her
How'd she get out of it?!
She hid in the FUCKING DRYER
Apparently I bought a laptop last night, then gave the laptop to a friend who was going to give it to her friends' friend to put some cool shit on it. Anyway, I have no idea where my new laptop is now.
My dog just blew me a kiss. First of all I'm stoned and second of all he's a pitbull. Those aren't sexual dogs. So wtf.
Randomize
