Your mouth is God's brothel.
you threw your tampon into someones open car window...while they were driving.
he just fed my chickens on farmville...i guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex<3
we convinced you the moon was a planet...again
You kept tellin the cashier that this order was "To Go" over and over...even tho we were in the drive-thru
I'm making presurgery martini's. You need to be here.
The goal for tonight is vagina. In and around. Doesn't matter who. How. Or why.
My cab driver just started a conversation with "Three years ago I pleaded guilty..." Check on me later tonight please.
I found a half composed text to you this morning and all it said was HELP M. Is that how I ended up at the bottom of the stairwell in only a tee-shirt and one heel?
considering I never received the text I would go with 'yes'.
I'd like to request an "its my birthday discount", and for you to bartend shirtless tonight ;)
Ryan friended me on LinkedIn and it took everything in my power not to endorse him for sexual dysfunction as a skill.
Currently having to re-watch episodes of Lost that I've only partially seen because you distracted me with your vagina
I accidentally gave my prayer card to the bouncer. Clearly a cry for help #saveme
There's glitter all over his bed from my Pink VS panties... I think I might invest in similar styles as a way of marking my territory just incase.
It occurred to me today, whilst I was on the phone to boyfriend number 1, whilst in the car with boyfriend number 2 who was dropping me at the shops to meet boyfriend number 3 to help me buy a present for boyfriend number 4 that I should be having much more sex than I am.
Randomize
