the next morning i told him i was impressed that he remembered my name. he said it wasn't that hard when "tracy
i sneezed during and he said it felt like i gave birth to his dick...then asked me to do it again.
you handed the cop a condom last night and said "it's all about protect and serve right?"
what if his mom answers? its like high school, but hes 30
Having a dry hump session to Alvin and the chipmunks surprisingly didn't kill the mood. He's that good.
Apparently she was filling Miller Lite bottles with water because I refused to be seen drinking water in a bar
It's okay. My lingerie drawer is skanky enough for the two of us. Even across borders.
He put my hand on his penis and said welcome home.
I think I'm making a tradition of going to every funeral with at least one sex-related bruise. I don't know how this happened.
The amount of times I have been emergency drunk in the past 72 hours is staggering
Hey don't blame me, picking what flavor of condom to put on my dick is a very difficult selection process
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. It doesn't matter what it's about. Last text was about a homeless dude
No no this isn't that fun. I'm alone drinking wine and me and the dogs ran out of things to talk about around 9 am.
It's now officially the Christmas season, so I have no shame in drinking evernog.
The guy next to me on the bus has one hole in his jeans that has over 20 mini dicks drawn on his leg. Classic.
Randomize
