I feel like your standards for women is like rent-a-centers standards for credit.
So right when I was pulling her underwear off with my teeth, she told me, "Stick your penis in my 'nanners." Needless to say, there was no penis-'nanner interaction.
we saw you sitting at the door of the dorm trashed, wrapped in DANGER tape with a stolen balloon around your wrist
he's from indiana, of course he's clueless about "g-spots"
That was the gentlest I've ever been bitten in the face by a dog
As added birth control I warned him that if he knocked me up tonight I would name the baby Truck.
I need to stop drunkenly getting naked. I'm losing all my favorite party clothes.
You're just horny.
Yea, and? I appreciate you as a person too if that helps.
You should hear the lecture my mom just gave me about cooking pizzas when im drunk because "I could have died".
Also, rendered a whole bar silent last night when I told a guy to take off his panties and take a shot out of my cleavage. Video to follow...
We smoked a blunt in a stall where a drag queen was fucking a bartender in the ass. So theres gonna be a second date :)
Ever since we've gotten back together, it's like the ghosts of booty call's past have been hitting me up. Lol.
I didn't even know we were hiding from the cops, I was just playing with the cats. People kept telling me to be quiet the cops are here and I was like DID YOU SEE THIS CAT!?
i like him enough to wash my sheets.. but not enough to finally get that pink lemonade and vodka slushy stain out of my carpet
I am listening to my ipod while i puke, this is most entertaining hangover i have ever had.
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