Apparently he doesn't remember leaving the bar
If I spent $100 at the bar and didn't get laid I wouldn't want to remember anything either
We were making out in the bushes when some dude comes and starts peeing beside us.
were doing shots for every snowflake that hits the ground
All i remember was he was wearing billibong pants... well actually my mom found that out for me.
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I may have a concussion but the symptoms are the same as a hangover so I can't tell. Best 21st ever.
I drove to Chevron at noon and the Hatian lady goes "Oh, nothing to drink yet white boy?"
Thanks for not stopping me when I decided to call my mom at 2 in the morning to ask her where I was born
You texted me "Americans are sad" and "chicken coop disaster" without any further explanation.
I know I'm not the first to fuck in a park but i deserve props for doing it at 3pm. On a sunny day might I add.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The stripper was waving you to the stage, not up on the stage. That's why you got choked out.
Hey so when you left last night was i wearing shoes?
I woke up smelling like chlorine with a broke toe. They know how to fucking party on lake lanier.
I feel like I got ass raped in the brain.
Anddon't worry about me I have my Darth Vader flashlight
My new dentist just kinda stared at me when I told him that I used to have partial dentures after breaking 2 teeth while beating the shit out of someone, until I puked them into the toilet and flushed them after getting high and making myself undercooked mac and cheese.
Its mothers day... Can my present be an orgasm...for once?
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