LMAO!!! just remembered you said this to me last night. "sometimes you post too many Jesus tweets. It's not that that's really bad... But I roll my eyes and you should know that."
I was drunk but it's true
Her "get-your-paper-done-early-blowjob" incentive is the thing that has successfully deterred my procrastination
through my window right now you can see the hot chick next door is standing BUTT ASS NAKED eating peanut butter off a knife.
ill be there in 5.
you kept say ridiculous things then repeating them in perfect classical latin. You are onee intelligent drunk
Next time we go to the river, we nominate you to flash people for free booze. Your tits are the biggest.
Two hours into move in day and the ambulance is here already.
While he was going down his phone rang and he answered saying I'll call you later I'm eating.
I may only be a second year med student but I feel very confident in calling that a micropenis.
What's standard gratutity for someone having a miscarriage on stage at a strip club? It's important.
Unless you have figured out how to blow me through the phone don't drunk dial me.
there is vodka in my soul right now. The vapor is coming out my nose.
only thing in my fruit bowl is 4 champagne corks and a jenga piece . Tuesday.
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
i love how you just walk into that dealer's house every time without knocking, yet you don't even know his name
I just want him to make us coffee. And whack off into the sunset
Randomize
