Bridesmaid dress fitting. I look like a Weeble and Michelle looks like Malibu Barbie. I have to keep reminding myself that she has herpes so really, the playing field is more level than it might initially seem.
new low.... made out with someone while peeing
New moon trailer came on. Theater booed. I love these people.
My roommate was eating ketchup out of a bowl. Get me the hell out of here.
Lindsay lohan: road to jail is on E tonight. Bring vodka we are not missing an opportunity to make a drinking game out of this
Just watched a guy fight a garbage can then pee on it, screaming "I told you to listen to me the first time!!" San Francisco, I've missed you.
successfully started a charcoal grill with 2 shots of everclear and some aluminum foil. i never wanna leave here
You told me when we were leaving the club if I could pin point your nipple through your padded bra you would show me if I was right.
koolaid chicken. i marinated it for 2 hours and roasted it on a rock in a fire. it was bright blue and raw. but that shit was tasty
No you usually just ranted about the voicemail bitch until she cut you off again
Why are there chunks of your hair in everyones pocket?
I decided to mark my territory.
They're fucking on the bed next to me. I took adderall and smoked so there's no fucking help for me.
I have a corndog on my dresser and a trashcan of puke. Thanks for a great night!
So my family just woke up on Easter morning and shared a bowl. That's bonding😊
Nothing cures your heart after a boy calling you unattractive than a big fat dick
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