just fyi, hangover + ice skates = really bad idea
i've been thru my totinos phase. then after reading the ingredients and nutritional info i almost puked in my mouth. its like having the bastard child of pizza hut and mcdonalds invade your kitchen and start stabbing your digestive system.
I walked in and saw him spread eagle on the couch beatin it, while he just pet the dog that sat there and stared. mom was pissed
Why do I only have half my beard? My chin is so naked...
Ryan friended me on LinkedIn and it took everything in my power not to endorse him for sexual dysfunction as a skill.
You were so high that you only FaceTimed me so that you could stare into your own eyes and not actually say anything
Ran out of deodorant. Febreze on a paper towel? Kicking college's ass.
Got to use the phrase "sweet pukas dude." My day is made.
The guy I hooked up with last night left me alone with his dog AND IT JUST SHIT ON THE FLOOR. WHAT DO I DO
Trying to figure out why my back is hurting. And then I remember I got fucked up against a tree last night
He's not very smart so he didn't know I was yelling at him with monologues from Scandal.
He shit in the fireplace
sooo, that video of you eating lasangna with the strobe going magically reappeared on my phone
Nothing cures your heart after a boy calling you unattractive than a big fat dick
I'm gonna be late for work because i decided to masturbate and forgot to put my clothes in the dryer
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