and i forgot to tell you that my armpit hair is now completely grown back. man i love winter.
no more everclear, i just stood next to the toilet and peed my pants. then went back to the party soaking wet.
My piss changed color midstream. Think that means I have a 50/50 chance of passing the test?
She made me role-play everything from an older prof to a in-patient in need of a medical exam. Yay for cocaine.
If only we could all 3 say fuck school to be stoner flight attendants
I usually don't buy birthday presents for my booty calls
But you'll make an exception
probably not
Don't come. It's not even a party it's a total sausage fest. Like 20 drunk dudes in a bedroom. We can still drink by ourselves though it'll be ok
i just came to a realization. Besides probably food, in my lifetime i think i have spent more money on legal fees than anything else
Dude I'm at a bar, and there's this Elvis impersonator here that I went to rehab with. Apparently Elvis has left the wagon.
hey dude my crackhead idol just taught me a great way to tie shoes
And the next morning he asked me why I had clothes on so I said so that he could take them off again.
He sat down, pointed at my Converse and said "I have the same shoes." I thought "I'm going to have sex with you by the end of the night."
Just had my very first high conversation with mom
And you survived it! I'd say that earns you a "Blaze It Like a Real Adult" from the Grown-up Girl Scouts
You're the only guy I know who could convince a lady at the pharmacy to trade you her pain pills for your antibiotics.
It's not my fault, Tequila turned all my alarms off.
Randomize
