What do you say about some mid-afternoon anal?
Corey Haim died. 80's me is so sad
Dont tell her I prefer to have an aura of mystique surronding me and my penis.
He's drinking 50/50 vodka/water out of a camelback. Disaster would be a compliment at this point.
Oh shit I just realized the ropes are still tied to the bedposts
Remember that night I drank a bunch of vodka, pounded your Jameson because 'you were a pussy', punched you in the face and ran off as fast as my high heels could go? It was just my Russian and Irish sides fighting for genetic dominance
COOKIE DOUGH CUPCAKES ARE A THING
Did you really just send me a blank text in response to news as awesome as that?
Want to FaceTime and watch me finish this bagel?
You can't mix blow jobs, bacon, and Star Wars.
A) just did. And b-z) that sounds like a great Sunday morning.
i turned around and there he was, right in my face. i was mid deep throat of a hot dog that i was eating with my hands and no bun. you win FSU, you win.
Man, you got so high you own goaled yourself in FIFA then got up celebrating.
There is a goat eating lettuce out of our fridge. Do you wanna grab a bloody mary?
I just opened my travel toothbrush holder and it smelled like vodka...maybe a vodka cranberry. This says a lot about my vacations.
Ha! Just garden hosed my vag and thought of you.
It's 1:37. You have 23 minutes to get your dick to the bar before I go home with the bartender... tick... tick...
Randomize
