saw you had $9 in your checking acct, left $20 on your dresser so you won't be a whore this weekend
i had a dream the other night i was titty fucking you while you were asleep, then you woke up and didn't care.
Last night was a blur. All I remember is jizzing in the squeegee bucket at a gas station.
The look on the soccer mom's face was PRICELESS.
i cant believe jose lima did steroids
apparently the kind that make you shitty at baseball
Nothing better then your mother meeting someone you randomly had sex with and him introducing himself as the guy who rocked her world once.
Theres a fat guy wearing a speedo. Someone just got puked on, and didnt even react. Whats happening?
You are the worst substitute drug dealer ever
Chris threw beer can at guy. Guy ended up being a fighter. Chris got his eye socket broke. Fighter got hand re-broke. Chris is passed out. Fighter is in kellys bed. everybody won last night. I think.
Found out last night that "Everclear" is Spanish for "shit got weird"...
You made her yell her own name while you were fucking so that you would remember it in the morning.
She got called into work early but she left me a note that had directions to her roommates stash of weed on top of a two bacon and egg mcmuffins. I think I win.
...and if you can get the necessary ingredients to make the Buffalo Chicken Melt, I will latch forever at your Teat of Justice.
AND I NEED A VIKING FUNERAL OR MY GHOST ASS WILL SAUNTER ON OVER AND CASTRATE HIM FOR TECHNICALLY MURDERING ME
She's asleep in a fisher-price toy car
So...I know we have a conversation later this week. But one of the key things I want to know is if I can specify having my body mummified and buried in Egypt (or at least nearby the Luxor in Vegas). How much money do you think that would cost? Do I need to increase my life insurance policy?
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