If she sees it and stops hooking up w/ me then you owe me
put your party hat on. and by party hat I mean no panties
My grandpa is talking about laundry and he asked if i could run a "small hot load." Wow. I had to leave the room.
I told my new friends about my possible new chin. They said I should get my nose done first. Please tell me I'm pretty or something.
She said "Lay the fuck down and ill show you how its done. Ill get us both off." I did. And she did. Best words ever said before sex.
complete strangers are now referring to me as 'the bourbon guy.' i can live with this.
i threw up on the table at the pizza place and peed in her room mates closet. i wouldnt invite me back either
Note to self: do not take so many shots that you sit on the floor under the bar where nobody can see you, and reach out and grab peoples crotch.
It's been so long since i rode in a trunk. I'm riding in a trunk btw
She's in the hospital because she tried to steal a toilet seat from an outhouse and fell off the bank. We're gonna hang the toilet seat by the pool.
Visions of polite missionary are dancing in my head right now kinda and it alarms me
I'll do whatever I want when I'm 80.
If you are still alive at 80 I demand a medical explanation.
The only reason you haven't shit yourself yet is because you don't like having fun.
I am mildly hung over. Decided pants are very unnecessary right now.
She demanded to see my stimulus package, I had to go over.
Randomize
