Whats the name of the guy with his hand down my pants?
You probably havent been upstairs if you think that the microwave missing its door is bad
What the hell did I do to get youtube to recommend a video for me called "how to increase your chances of getting pregnant"?
Just passed on a threesome. I'm too old for that kind of morning after.
So apparently the christmas orgy was a complete disaster
No, the responsible one does not yell out "lets go to iHop" at 5 in the morning to a bunch of drunk people with munchies.
.As long as you're some how patriotic with your sexual escapades, I can support it.
This is seriously fucking awkward. My favorite sex scene just started and my dad's still here. He offered me Cheetos.
Fell off the toilet trying to reach to put my tampon in the garbage. Pride hurts real bad.
Always keep a stash of tequila in your work desk. That is like adulting 101.
Nothing says responsible like taking your birth control with an open bottle of wine you left on your night stand from the night before
Talked to the dude for a hour . I now know where he lives, his occupation, his goals, his dreams and what his dick looks like.
well i can officially check "have sex in a prius" off my bucket list...
He showed up soaking wet with a flashlight and a ping pong ball. I couldn't say no
Well we've always known you have a weakness for guys with balls in their hands
I might have to quit marching band. It's affecting my drinking schedule
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