You should dream of me :)
I'm going to dream of single life.
If I had a motorized wheelchair, I'd just chase the squirrels on campus all day.
consequently i now know what mace tastes like
My mom just told me to make sure my face isn't on the front cover of the newspaper on 4/21. Challenge accepted
Well I'm just gonna sit here naked in this chair and whatever happens happens
You texted me "Americans are sad" and "chicken coop disaster" without any further explanation.
Come over, I want to eat cookie dough off your dick.
I just remember looking over and seeing you on top of him and us high fiving. That's when I knew we'd be perfect roommates
After that song played in the club all he kept drunkenly saying was "Birdman goes brrrrrr"
I baked a frozen pizza completely, put it back in the plastic and box, and put it back in the freezer. THAT drunk.
He texted "fuck you" before blocking me on all social media. Come to think of it, that's also the last thing my mother said to me. Could it be that I'm the problem?
Usually it's tequila, or vodka. But today was just the devil
I really wish you were home bc youre the only friend I could ask to use an at home waxing kit on my vagina. I need you.
I'm not just straddling the line between love and hate, I'm dry humping the shit out of it
I just recommended that the library purchase the first major hentai with tentacle porn. Really, I'm doing everyone a favor.
Randomize
