Worst sexual experience IN MY LIFE. And now i know why it makes jesus cry.
you told me heaven would be the 3 of us at Moe's forever and every hot girl that walked in would ask us to play stone face
i just sent my parents are gone come over I have condoms to my mom because Derek changed my numbers while I was passed out
My lips are sealed. Both pairs.
i figure now that we're number one party school im obligated to black out at least 4 days a week. andddd go.
She walks around topless and loves making sandwiches. That's how a one-night stand turned intoa relationship
I THINK it was the lead singer. Whoever he was, I have his number and his dick was pierced.
It was totally the lead singer.
Whip out the absinthe and the taquitos, this motherfucker just passed the bar.
Dude I puked in a snow bank and then fell face first into it
Never thought an ATM max withdrawal could be such a good thing...
So changing channels while she's on top is frowned upon. It's back to thinking about baseball again.
And what in gods fuck were you drinking. It tasted like windex with a mixture of juce
I like shiny stuff tho if that’s an emotion
I was watchin a porno and I sware I saw that dude at the bar at applebees the other night
My parents left me the house for the weekend...you know what that means?!
Harry Potter marathon and no pants.
Randomize
