when you close your eyes do you see, that mystical creature will be me.
who is this?
I didn't realize he wasn't circumcised... it looked like the Unibomber...
My boobs are too big for things to be going this downhill in my life.
After you took the handle off the bathroom door I had to coach the Scottish guy sitting on the toilet, throwing up in his own lap, how to put his pants back on. Yes, I think he won the drinking game.
she gave me a blowjob during our lunchbreak and expected me not to tell people
Update: we are pushing the start of day drinking back from 9 am to 10 am. Minor delay.
you don't know what its like to have your bartender tell you that you owe him beer money infront of your mother at 3pm on a tuesday
Well am going to a strip club before sun down, I dont think anything good can come from that.
Yeah. Well last night I sold my shoes to a man who I'm pretty sure has a weird foot fetish for $150 cash.
Flatmate got laid for the first time in 3 years. I'm baking a cake.
It's not too terrible. You just got a little naked and broke your arm.
coughing up blood. I'm leaving for the doctor now. P.S. I just won $350 on the wheel of fortune machine in the casino.
I woke up to a stripper (who added me on Facebook) messaging me reminding me to cancel my card if I can't find it
Imma go take shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
I just realized. I havent even gotten a paycheck from this new job yet and already laid one of the girls most of the dudes are after
Randomize
