Broke my phone, have no voice AND I was blackout by 3 p.m...I'm betting I had a great time.
I just realized that this morning is the first morning i've put on underwear in a week.
I love summer.
some how when im high sleep beats hunger...its like how paper beats rock it doesnt make any fucking sense but it still happens
you know its bad when everytime i put on a shirt i think of who i hooked up with in it
Ya I guess he's not a bad roommate. I mean if he wasn't here I would probably be more lazy and pee in bottles and stuff.
we used a swiffer mop as a stripper pole.
making my second box of kraft dinner for the day. thinking about telling him how much you cheat on him so that you end up having to spend valentines day with me. i'm sorry its every man for himself.
Just found an "inspected with pride" sticker on or around my vagina
That sucks about the drama. But hey, it's always a good day when you see someone get tazed!
You are the alcoholic guardian angel of raccoons
Oh no, we smoked the revival weed. It came in a Batman bag. It hit like justice. And orphans.
If you already knew specifically that I was smoking a bowl in my remodeled bathroom AND THEN still wanted to initiate sexting, please proceed to the altar and marry me this instant.
Just fucked a MILF from Alaska. I love traveling.
Dude random question. Where you with me when the vulture got electrocuted from the power lines and fell on the sidewalk in front of us?
dont know if she was trying to start a lawnmower or jerk me off. still wasnt to bad though
Randomize