she asked me if I wanted a handjob on the haunted mansion ride at Disney. was I suposed to say no?
the creek. my friends left me at a party next thing i know im in a breaststroke relay race with a bunch of randos in the dark
being pregnant is like rehab
Don't. You get on the 18 year old. I'll get on the 38 year old. Together we will bridge 2 decades of cock.
"You can go raw dog up in me". Exact words. I can't decide whether to run, or fuck. Help.
I heard you shushing me, but my screaming orgasm drowned it out.
YOU IS KIND. YOU IS SMART. YOU IS IMPORTANT. YOU IS CLEANING YOUR OWN VOMIT.
I am so not sober enough to have a 5 minute conversation in Spanish
I wore Yonce braids out last night and made out with a man and a woman #bowdown is right
STOP PUTTING BUTTER ON MY FUCKING CAT
Not sure how my purse ended up in the bushes last night... Or why there was a noodle strainer in the toilet.
So my plane's delayed and some guy is talking to "sparkles" he just told her to never again sell drinks from her cleavage. This is why I don't go home
So were driving two hours to go to a club and Charles packed me a sippy cup full of tequila. He thinks of everything!
I guess I’m only into threesomes at Halloween, because I just woke up next to “Marilyn Monroe” and “Joe DiMaggio” in their condo
Whats a little breast milk between friends?
Randomize
