I just hope my dad was drunk enough to not remember the whole convo we had about anal.
It looked like if robin williams had a vagina
and when i put it inside her she yelled "welcome aboard!"
I like one night stands...theyre like crushes for big kids
She was adopted and used to dance at Sapphire. just my speed.
consequently i now know what mace tastes like
So the next morning, she had to tell her kids we were moving furniture around all night.
Sorry if I put you in that 'glad we're hanging out but I'm gonna go fuck your cousin' kind of position
u kept pointing at random guys and making quacking or mooing sounds.
Please just tell me how ugly she was so I can bask in the diminishingly small reassurance that might give me
I think it says something about my life when I start picking up girls while im in rehab. And I don't think it's good.
OH GOD NOT SANTA BABY. NO NO NO. YOU'RE LIKE 85. OMG MULTIPLE WOMEN. NO NO NO STAHP.
Actually, I may scrap this entire plan. I just realized that I had sex with a guy with his own whiskey commercial.
I'm seriously considering starting a savings account so I'll have bail money this summer.
You ran up to my room. I was naked. You refused to leave without drugs. I love you.
Randomize
