I've decided to sign up for a porn membership, but it's 10:30 and I'm going to wait an hour an a half because I don't want to waste a whole day of my month long membership. Fuck this economy.
you were going around the whole club telling people to smell ur purse
I just five second ruled a donut I dropped at starbucks, everyones staring
watching "look who's talking now." getting choked up at the end when they find each other at the cabin
doesn't that movie star kirstie alley and have talking dogs in it? new low...even for you
Homeless guy on the metro is drinking beer out of a coke bottle. Hello friend.
if you're passed out when i get there i get to wear your banana costume and do awful things to you
So that'd what fifty dollars of chicken at 7/11 looks like. Made it to work on time. Puked twice. BOOM.
As an added bonus, you will have a "25 blowjobs a month" voucher, expiring thirty days after the first initial bj.
No im just getting a road beer. You got my pants?
I'll be there in a few.
I'M COUNTING TO FEW.
No I did not just post a Craigslist ad for a used stripper pole because I can't afford my own. But now that you put the idea in my head I might have to.
lonely sunday drunk me decided to tweeze my pubes. HORRIBLE IDEA
you told me your favorite colors were "pink" "no pants" and "Mexican food"
It feels like heartburn in my lungs. I'll buy 2 pounds.
Speaking of dumpster fires, your ex tried to add me on Facebook
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